and you
shall
not
deny me
and all i ever wanted was the world
acutes. cal. mochi. 24. brooklyn, nyc; fuzhou, fujiang; seongbuk-gu, seoul. fast-walker; shit-talker.
[親愛的…] when the story is untold; when the story dies
Thursday, February 4, 2016 @ 3:36 AM
I thought that someone on the subway had tagged me as an animal abuse promoter because Phil found "I'm an asshole. I wear fur." sticker on the hood of my Canada Goose jacket that my mother gave me. On one hand, I did grow curious to go online to check if the fur around the hood was real fur (it is), but on the other, I grew so focused on this that it's been irritating me for the past two days. I found this sort of "activism" useless in a way because it does focus less on education and change and my immediate reaction was huh, followed by who the fuck are you to comment on my clothing. The up side of this sort of sticker tagging is that I did go check if the fur was real and read PETA's page on the fur industry.
I'm thinking of trying to get a Fulbright and after an email from Professor S., it seems possible. I just don't know what my research topic would be, and I definitely have no concrete plans for my project this semester. I want to continue my research on eSports, but I'm also quite tired of doing the same thing repeatedly. My interests are wide enough to encompass a variety of subjects, yet this means that I am indecisive in choosing what exactly to pursue. Should I continue with South Korea? Hop over to China/Japan? Do something on the Philippines or Malaysia? Take it back to the U.S. with police brutality and racism? Go international with sustainability efforts?
I feel like I joined way too many clubs to try to make up for my lack of job/internship. Off the top of my head, I'm on the e-board for Asian American Women's Alliance, West 10th, New York City Asian American Student Conference, Chinese Mei Society's Yuan, and maybe Social and Cultural Analysis Journal (?). I actively participate in Society for the Appreciation of Korean Popular Culture and Hong Kong Student Association's Dance Club. I still have the awful iFLIP4 internship to do, but the work is entirely not what I signed up to do. I signed up to be an editor, not a writer. I can contribute, yes, but I am not supposed to write an article a week. I don't have time for that, which no one really seems to understand because I am only taking one class (one graduate course). It seems unfair for them to expect so much of me when these extra
Meetings and readings, appointments and requirements. There's some bright sides too though: on Mondays, I'm likely to have weekly lunch meetings with Amy, Yan, and Christina.
Some quick ideas that have been jumping around:
- Buddhism, Zen, Mindfulness Movement, and Yoga
- Fashion Appropriation
- Mental Health, Studying, Cram Schools
- Fashion, Female Infantilization of Asian Pop Stars
- Korean Hip Hop and Anti-Blackness
I finalized it on anti-blackness in K-pop, with a specific focus on khiphop. Not entirely sure on how I can quantify and qualify definitions and boundaries, but willing to try.
Professor S. has been incredibly kind to me, but I can't tell if I am willing to extend the same hand out.
I've been playing League of Legends too much. It's becoming a new phase for me, but it's lasting as long as kpop. Not sure how to end this post, but things do have to come to a stop somehow.