click on words to navigate

If I'm going to try to do some work, I might as well write some thoughts down here so I won't be too lost in my written notes.

Wonder encouraged me to write my Strategies grad course paper on anti blackness in K-pop. I wanted to be more specific and focus on K-hip hop, but the language barrier and lack of actual, legitimate articles and resources makes it really hard, especially since K-hip hop is still pretty underground. This means that I must expand beyond K-hip hop into K-pop, but I'm still finding it very difficult to truly figure out ways that anti blackness is represented in the specified ways that the course requires us to find.

For the first practicum, it called for an image or sound recording. I chose Truedy's anti blackness by her wish to be seen as at least partially black when she was not. I haven't yet read the notes that the professors wrote on the paper-- partially because I don't want to and partially because I cannot read their handwriting properly. Apparently, my way of citing is also wrong. I need to learn how to properly cite Chicago style.
> Okay, so the comments weren't too awful. There are lots of missing things that I did not consider and hopefully, I'll keep that in mind when writing my next weekly papers.

The next practicum is due tomorrow and it's on a document/archive that can be representative. I won't be doing this practicum-- I've only just started my promise to my therapist about doing work for at least an hour a day. It's too soon for me to truly do a good job of writing a five page paper on a document that I am unable to produce. Instead, I will be focusing on the practicum for next week: an outline or plan.

Tinder has been stressful as usual. There's a guy that Lichi knows, but he's quite... creepy? In a way. He's asking lots of sexual questions and requesting things that I don't think I'm comfortable with giving. He seems to definitely simply want sex. A relationship is likely not going to work out but I'm also sort of willing to see how it'll work out.

It's Jucky's birthday today and Kathy and I got him some desserts from Fayda. They charged me extra for a milk tea with bubbles that I didn't want in the first place. Irritated a lot. Being the CMS PR director is quite hard. I wish I signed up for something else. I wish I never signed up for it at all. I wish I loved myself a little more than I actually do.

Iqra and I keep talking to each other about wanting plastic surgery--and wondering how it can fit into our plans of visiting South Korea. We both want to do our noses and maybe jaw. I want to do my chin so I can actually have one. I hate my nose so much, and then my chin next. I'm not too angry at my face shape because it is round and I guess a little cute. Tzuyu from Twice is honestly so beautiful to me. I wish I looked a little like her.

I started playing Love Live. I've been readings The 100 fics on Monty Green and Nathan Miller. Currently listening to this fan mix. I'm always a little sad. Listening to it makes me want to go on a road trip. I want a friend in real life that I can talk to often about these things. I used to have Gamble, but she's pretty much moved on. Wonder's not really a... person that I feel like I can talk about these sorts of things to, and I'm not entirely sure about Iqra either. It's just hard right now. I want a writer a friend to encourage me. I want someone to talk to that isn't a therapist. I want a writer to encourage me to write, to tell me that my ideas aren't trash, that I should believe a just a little more.

People always let you down in the end.